40 Days for Life - Praying to End Abortion

A baby’s heart develops during the first trimester. If in knowing this you can still stop the heart of the conception rooted within you, then I pray God may humble your soul that you may come to know the splendor of life.

I joined Project Defending Life in prayer today in front of Planned Parenthood (an abortion clinic located at 701 San Mateo NE). Today was our church, Our Lady of Guadalupe's, day to continue praying to end abortion as part of 40 Days for Life. I prayed the rosary in front of the clinic and then joined Project Defending Life in mass. After mass Father held a procession in which Father led us to Planned Parenthood and blessed the building while the congregation all prayed the rosary together. I was deeply moved as this was my first year attending this function. However, what stirred me was not that of a content feeling, rather it was a heartrending feeling. As we prayed people would shout obscene things but we stayed concentrated in our prayer. People would yell at us to go home as they drove by or honked rowdily giving us the finger. I felt such sadness that as our very hearts have the luxury of beating, we as humans have the capability to end the beating of another life attached to us by an umbilical cord. Allowing abortion is murder. There is no question to it. Why we do allow ourselves the option of ending a life when other doors are open to us? There are families out there that yearn for children but cannot have their own. Standing outside that clinic made me appreciate the trails I have mourned over in my own life. I desperately felt the need to be closer to the women in there. I sensed a strong desire to open their eyes to other options and make them understand that another heart is beating inside of them and only they could make the choice to let that heart be nurtured into something even more precious than it already is. I longed to plead for the existence trapped in the womb that could not plead for itself. Yet we were not allowed to so much as allow one of our fallen eyelashes to land on their property before they unleashed the hell that has been allowed to prosper within their walls. Still something inside of me rang out, awakening a part of me that desired to bring the possible “mothers to be” to reasoning but…No part of myself had any idea of how.

Shortly before Father led the procession back to finish our prayers inside, a man approached us. Outraged he retorted, “There is a war going on and this is what you are concerned with!?” I felt compelled to answer but that would have violated the contract to keep peace that all participating members must sign. If I could have responded to this man I would have said this: “You better believe that this is what we are concerned with. This is our war. We aren’t fighting with weapons but this is just as much of a war as what you are referring to. We are losing lives and undermining our own names. We are murdering those who cannot plead for their own lives. You are condoning the destruction of another asset to the world.” After thinking this to myself I watched the man cross the street to rejoin his lover and his baby. This aroused another thought, “Can he really look his child in the eyes and defend the termination of potential life?” I felt sickened, but at the same time I felt blessed…Blessed with lavishness and adversity. I am blessed with life.

Assignment #8 - The Necklace

In Guy de Maupassant’s “The Necklace”, there were many morals that could be lured from between the lines. The one that stood out most to me is to work hard for what you desire but also treasure what you have. The lady in this short story was miserable because she invited misery. She had the necessities but she yearned for more. It is ok to want something that is not necessary but you must always be grateful of what you have or you will never truly be happy. We have to look at things for more than what they appear to be. For example, my grandmother bought me a large plaque for Christmas. On this stunning painting of Our Lady reads, “No tengas miedo porque siempre estas en mi cuidado.” This translates to, “Do not be afraid because I am always with you.” My grandmother died a month before Christmas. When I unwrapped this gift I felt anger and I didn’t even want to hang it on my wall. As time passed I started to look at it in a different perspective and I understood that while most would not think this to be necessary, it was to me. This was my source of comfort and closure. My grandmother was in the hospital the night before she died. She came home and passed away that morning. We do not know how my grandmother died but we do know that she knew her time was near. Now, if you would have asked me shortly after she died if I was grateful for that gift, I would respond that I appreciate the thoughtfulness. I was not especially grateful per say though. However, when I took the time to examine the issue through every angle and read between the lines, I came to know that my grandma intended this to be my means of stability in understanding her passing. The morning she passed away I walked into the bedroom to find my younger sister doing CPR with a 9-1-1 operator guiding her by phone. I wanted to help but all I could manage to do was stand frozen in place as I fumbled for the words to explain to my mother that her mom was not ok. My mom was under the impression her mother was exhausted and just didn’t want to wake up. She had call to check on her but my silence pierced the phone lines and she immediately knew her suspicions were wrong. At the sight of a Christmas gift from her I felt furious that she could leave us the way she did. We knew ahead of time that she came to our house to die. I was not grateful. I wanted more. I wanted her death to be different. All of this wanting things to be something other than what they were caused me to be miserable. Yet, when I accepted the facts and became grateful that she bought me a gift that would help me cope and understand, I was not so despondent anymore. I was not close to my grandmother and that didn’t make losing her any easier, but when I applied the moral found in this story, the situation was made better.

Book Report - After by Amy Efaw

In the book After, Amy Efaw writes about a young girl who, despite never having been faced with any kind of trouble, is burried so far in denail  she doesn't realize she is pregnant and has no memory of throwing her baby in the dumpster behind her apartment. The girl was a straight A student and a future soccer olympian, but she couldn't take emotional hits as well as she could take a soccer ball straight to the face. While this is what After was about, it was also about a general life experience. At one point or another we will all have to stare truth in the eye no matter how terrified we are of the outcome. In the process, we will have to either be accountable and accept our actions like young Devon did, or keep running from the truth and pray we never stumble over it. My moms son had anger issues as well as ADHD. He never learned to face his problems head on and overcome the issues. With him everything was always someone elses fault and he needed to feel like he was right and justice was equalized. When he had to face the truth he closed his eyes. My moms son could never understand where his mistakes were. When he got in a fight it was because the other person deserved it, he failed a class because the teacher wasn't good at teaching, and the time his glasses broke it wasn't he who broke them. Seven ninjas broke into the house and snuck pass the alarm to break his glasses (yes he really tried to pull that one off). Then one day he gets caught for theft. Fear stricken, he finds himself dumb founded and having to face the truth. Nothing he could tell the cops would make the situation better. Young Devon chose to accept her mistake and plead guiltly to murder but my moms son kept running from the truth. While he was running he stumbled over it and the truth got the upperhand. If we do not willing face the truth and accept the consequences, sooner or later it will catch up to us and we will be forced to pay the price.

Assignment #7

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. (Jennifer James)

“Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.” This is the very first line in Jennifer James’ quote on envy. This is a powerful line because of the legitimacy contained within it. Every human being has value. Every being has value. There is something contributed by every life form. Rather it is the trees producing oxygen, the artists providing entertainment, or the doctors saving lives. To believe you or another being is over lesser value than the next being is incredulous. When we envy someone it is because we feel threatened. We feel something they have is missing from our lives and we long to fill that void. However, if we let the desire to acquire the possessions of others consume us; we will always have another vacancy to plug. Jealousy is being discontent with ourselves, with our lives. Envy is misery’s company. The two come in a package like the buy one get one free shoes your neighbor has you gaffing over. What your neighbor didn’t tell you is that the price of the first pair is doubled. You become so enveloped in coveting what others possess that we fall blind to desolation that may be accompanying their elation. Jealousy is like a weed. It will suck the water from the things most in need of attention unless we pull it from its roots. How do we find the root of our envy? We must understand what it is we covet and why we long to have it. Do we only want it because someone else has it? If not then we are probably not experiencing jealousy at that moment. That being said, it is not wrong to want something we have no need for. There is an immense distinction between want and envy. We can want things others have without wanting them out of jealousy. Also, jealousy does not only apply to material possessions. By definition jealousy is suspicious or fearful of being displaced by a rival. In Jennifer’s words “fear that you do not have value.” In trying to become equal with our rivals we stoop down to their level. Jealousy makes us recoil to equal or lesser value than that of our adversary. Yet, if we are content with ourselves and our own lives then we have filled the deepest void and are, therefore, of high value. To rid ourselves of fear or the value placed upon us by others is to gain a higher sense of self value. Self value will obliterate weeds by their roots without ever cringing. By human nature we envy and y human nature we grow weeds, but by self appraise we allow ourselves to crouch over long enough to demolish the roots of the weeds and prosper into something beautifully superior.

Shadow of Love and Mistakes

I know the things I have done

May shame you 'till your soul goes numb

But these are actions of my past
Now they merely exist in the shadow I cast

But I cast this shadow for all to see

So that those who fall on my trail will be

Forever guarded from stepping on hot coals

Rather they walk on my shadow, paying no toll

For I've payed the toll for every mistake
In tears and pain and even heart break
But rejection, I fear, put me most in debt
As it becomes poignant to smolder among eyes never met

Saint Peter may not call my name at the gate

But guided by my shadow I pray you find your own fate

Becoming a person of greater good

Someone whose mistakes may be understood

Then when the time comes that you hear your name
Take up your cross and embrace your own shame
My shadow will not lead you up to the gate
But lay down your love where you make your mistakes

Your love and mistakes will be the shadow you cast
Bear it so others may learn from your past

Followers may come and descend on your trail

But where your shadow ends, theirs will prevail