Blank Stares

Blank stares bring
Painful images of the past
I gaze into the hallucinogenic photograph
Sent by neurons to the back of my eyes
Where the past still lurks in my heart's pitch-black dungeon.
My daily life,
I get up,
Go to sleep,
My daily routine badgered and harassed
By my violent past.
Nightmares I somehow survived
Despite the odds against me,
Barks after me incessantly
And has all my life.
Born wihtout parents
Abandoned without love
A young babe with no place in the world
Not even a small corner in an alley or junk yard
Nothing and nowhere at the same time
All I can do is weep and weep my fate.

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

Immature impulse

When I become frustrated with my life

I want to destroy

Shelves of goods

At grocery stores

Running my arms across aisles of bottles

Smashing them

In a huge slippery mess

      With a feverous, maddened face

       Busting

       The walls of my house to bits

       On a daily basis

       Because I have to say, "I'm Sorry"

       To those I love

And it's destroying me inside.

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

By Hand

The goose bumps

On my skin

Are from my soul

Trying to find an exit

From this tattered and street-scarred body

                              No escape is found

As my pen begins to move

Finding an exit

With words written by my hand.

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

I go through my days...

I go through my days

Feeling the craze that I have started

Live life in a daze

Bless the dearly departed

Life clearly uncharted

And you can go in any direction

I choose the gutter I guess 'cause it feels like an infection

Has come over my brain

Try to find love but only end up with pain

I feel the shame

In my soul from the sin that I spread

Some people think it's cool

But I'm better off dead than to be hurting anyone

Sooner or later they'll point the gun

Many have tried before

When will I die? I can't take it anymore

Let downs or frowns instead of smiles

Bad memories I've got piles and piles

Could build a dam to block the Nile

A fool with my heart beautiful women I defile

It's nothing to proud of

Trapped in a cloud of ignorant deeds

To free myself I follow creeds

The Buddah now leads me on my path

Wish I could make a dash to freedom

Gonna write a book and hope to lead the young

From the pain I've seen

If you write rules and read them you'll come out clean

I've been so mean with caring hearts

Love is a balloon

And I'm like darts

Pop

There goes another one

Pop

The stitches that hold my heart together have come undone

Live life for fun

But now I see the illusion

My heart beats hard but I suffer contusions

My decisions have left me in prisons

In my soul

God help me control my impulses

I speak truth and not falsehoods

My pulse quickens with the thought of death

But I can make it

I'll just take a deep breath

In

Out

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

I'm like...

Dynamite ready to explode

Or implode

'Cause I'm full of anger

Everyone's in danger

Stranger even to myself

Sneaky like stealth

I explore the wealth

Of a mind deep like Pluto

Kick like judo

Smoke like Macanudo

No jokes

I'm not a comedian

Or a vegetarian

More like humanitarian

In sheep's clothing

Jealousy produces loathing

I break molds

No form quite like me

Far from norm

Warm

I shine like sun

Rhyme for fun

Not me

Roll smooth like sea

Or better yet ocean

In a hearse or a Vette

Faithful devotion

Maintained

Like country clubs

Bear cubs

My words are fierce

Maul like Kodiak

Heart stops like cardiac

Arrest

My chest holds sacred heart

My art displayed like Van Gogh

I'm made not to show

My emotion

Soothing like lotion

Lyric like locomotion

It's full stream ahead

I'm said to be unpredictable

Invincible not my body

Invisible my soul shines infinitely

Lines of divinity

Pour from pen like Niagra

Viagra not me

Mind fully erect

Expecting tragedy

But I'm ready

To roll with heavy metal

Like infantry

No Medal of Honor but Purple Heart

Unsung soldier clothed by Wal-Mart

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

Anger is...

A volcano
Yearning to erupt inside
Adrenaline lava
That blurs my eyes
Creating mountains of raging fire beneath the crust.
Ash covers the sky,
Covers my dreams,
The sun
Muffled by my screams.

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

Broken Heart

A life of held-back tears
Stored in me like cold spikes
At Jesus' feet and hands
Create in my chest
Dull vibes
Similar to a closed fist beating me down to hell
Each step I take in any direction
The pain churns
Suffocating my throat.
My eyes puff and venom squeezes through every pore
Hatred for my fate
And the life that God doomed me to live.
Everyday,
The hatred for me
And the world
Strangles me slowly,
Bit by bit,
Breath by breath.

-Jason Yurcic (Voice of My Heart)

Serrated Words

Im open again...

Just waiting...

Waiting for the anger to stop
Waiting for the pain to subside
But the wait has been prolonged once more

You see,
Your words tear at me
Like a knife that's just been sharpened

Each word breaks the flesh
Hurting more than a fist in the face
Or a knee to the stomach

But does it make you feel better?

Because we can sit here all day
Severing what's left of our connection
Word by word by bitter word

We can spend our life time
Spitting keen daggers at each other
But the anger is not going to disappear

So why do we do it?

It's not me you're angry with
Nor is it I who is angry with you

Yet it is each other we rip apart
With the serrated edges of our tongues

Still the swords continue to fly

They've been flying for so long
You've forgotten who you're really mad at

You don't want to hurt
So you thrust your words into anyone
Who makes you feel threatned

Well guess what!?

That has a chain effect

Now we're both expectorating our pain in the wrong directions
Wounding each other without physical contact
Anticipating the day the wounds mend into scars

Until then, we'r e both open...

Just waiting...

My Light

My ears are pierced by silence

With heavy breaths

I call out your name

But no response

Comes my way

My body surrenders to sadistic convulsions

The panic attack begins

The opening to my air way is sealed

My eyes reluctantly fasten themselves shut

I see an endless tunnel but there’s no light at the end

Tears rage across my cold face

I feel them soak my pillow

Each tear has its own story embodied in itself

This one’s for you

This one’s for love

This one’s for anger

This one’s for shame

And this one…

This one’s for myself

I heed your voice breaking through the silence

It forces me to smile through the tears

Suddenly the convulsions subside

My air way liberates

And my eyes surface to you

You are my light