They kissed goodbye as Lucy struggled for a way to stall. “Promise me you’ll be home for Christmas, Mark. No last minute interventions.” Mark hesitated. He knew he would not return. He was taking this “business” trip so as not to inflict any pain upon his wife as he let go. Still he fumbled for an alternative. “I love you Lucy, but I’m going to miss my flight if I don’t get going.” She handed him his luggage and watched as he was devoured by a crowd of people all awaiting take off. She prayed that by “I love you Lucy” Mark really meant “Of course I’ll be home for Christmas”. But Mark hadn’t told Lucy he’d only bought a one-way. There were a lot of things he hadn’t told her. Like the fact that two weeks ago Mark was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And three days later when the doctors told him the cancer had progressed too rapidly to treat it, he hid that too. Now he was boarding a one-way to his home town where he planned to die alone. Yet all Lucy knew was that she would be alone in an empty apartment until Mark came home.
Lucy had just returned from work. The phone was ringing and she knew it would Mark. Today was Christmas Eve and he still had not come home. He had called every day that he was away so far and all seemed well but today…today was different. Today Mark sounded weak and tired. Still, Mark reassured her that it was merely bad reception due to the insane whether there. That comforted her…until he continued. “Honey, the snow is piled so thick here; I think I’m going to have to catch another flight.” Lucy felt a tear escape her eye. “Mark!” was all she could manage. “Don’t worry baby. I have to go now but I left something for you with the doorman before I left ok?” They exchanged a sincere “I love you” with each other and hung up. Lucy was so outraged that for a moment she considered leaving whatever Mark had left for her with the doorman. However, at 2:30am Lucy was still tossing and turning. She had to ask.
“Excuse me Javier.” The lobby had been silent up until now. Half startled, Javier wheeled around. Upon seeing Lucy’s familiar face he answered in his usually polite tone, “Yes Madam Lucy? What can I do for you?” She paused a moment before speaking, unsure if she should just turn around and head back to her apartment. “Well Mark said he left something for me the doorman that was on duty before he left. Can you find it for me?” Javier rustled some papers behind the desk before finally slipping a purple envelope into her hands. “Merry Christmas”, was all he said and Lucy retreated back to her empty apartment. For a while she just pressed the envelope into her breasts and curled up in bed to sulk. When she realized the small thing could not bring Mark home, she opened it. What she found, though, was not a Christmas card. Rather she found a short letter folded neatly into quarters. She unfolded it and read:
My beloved Lucy,
Let me start with Merry Christmas. I hope you find some way to enjoy it. I want to apologize as I know it is hard to spend the holidays alone. I am still with you, always, but I am not returning home. Lucy, I have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer but the doctors did not catch it in time. I’m so sorry baby. Don’t forget that I am here. In the air you breathe and the sun you bathe in, I’m here. The wind that whispers sweet melodies, that’s my love being sent to you on angels wings. My sweet Lucy, as long as you permit me here, I am with you. I’m not saying goodbye because it is not the end. Merry Christmas Lucy! I hope to hear from you soon.
Love Forever,
Mark
Lucy became drenched in her own tears. She started shaking, almost as if her body was surrendering to vicious convulsions. Only one line preserved her consciousness: I hope to hear from you soon. She grabbed the phone and dialed the hotel. Three times the receptionist put Lucy through to Mark’s room ad three times and three times the phone rang endlessly. The receiver fell from Lucy’s hand and hit the floor, still ringing. She reached for the purple envelope and turned it over to see the return address: Heaven. Lucy dropped to her knees silently pleading with God. Then she shrieked with the little amount of oxygen she had allowed herself to take in. “It’s not the end.” She repeated the words she’d read. “Mark said it’s not the end, Lord. Mark said!”
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