Like many things, there are several types of betrayal. We can betray a loved one, friend, family member, or even a stranger. A person can betray love itself, a promise, their word, and expectations. Furthermore, people can betray themselves. To betray ourselves is one of worse types of betrayal. When we betray ourselves, we have betrayed those who we have allowed our fictitious selves to become accustomed to.
Friday I attended a leadership in the Monzano Mountains. During this three day period I allowed two things to happen: I did not eat and I allowed myself to break down with the rest of the cadets when I should have been the one to console them. Now breaking down, to the other cadets, was not a big deal because the only ones in the room who didn’t cry were the camp instructors. However, not eating was a bigger deal even though I did not feel hungry.
The first night we had a seminar session where each cadet came up one by one and discussed emotional topics causing us to feel anger, shame, sadness, hurt, and fear. We consoled each other as a team of 50 cadets from different schools. While everyone felt some things different and some things the same, I mostly felt different things. I felt weakened by the sight of myself breaking down in front of eight of the cadets I am supposed to lead and support. I felt like I’d betrayed all of the cadets I should have been consoling. Fed by all of this, I felt self betrayal. I felt like crying in front of others defied my own beliefs. This was against my personal morals. This was the first time at Leadership Challenge Camp that I had felt like I’d betrayed myself and my team mates.
At chow time shortly after I arrived in the mountains, I ate only an apple to keep my sugar levels up. I did not feel hungry. We completed several events, all which required energy. Among these were trust falls, rope courses, running, marching, and team games. Chow time came again. This time it was dinner. Still not hungry, I gave my tray of food to a few of the cadets sitting at the table next to mine. We completed several other events and I stood watch on my shift from 0200 to 0400 (2-4am). One of the girls from Rio Grande brought up her concern to me and offered me a snack. I explained to her that I was not hungry but I would eat if I felt the need. When chow time came around for breakfast four hours after my watch, I was still not hungry. Several of my team mates tried to convince me to eat but I would not. We complete many physically demanding events and reported back to chow for lunch where another cadet told the instructor about my eating habits that weekend. Mr. Linsenbert asked a series of questions trying to understand why I did not feel hungry. I told him I had been drinking lemonade and apple cider to keep my sugar levels up but I just wasn’t hungry. At this point I started to realize the concern I was causing was not just to one other cadet. I had not yet realized I was betraying myself and 49 other cadets though. This did not happen until Mr. Linsenbert took my name and school. I was so busy trying to persuade others that I was really ok and did not feel hungry that I didn’t see how stubborn and irresponsible I was being. These are two very important traits a leader must acquire before the followers can gain trust in them. Sunday around lunch time at chow, I was still not hungry but I forced myself to eat a small amount so as to ease the concern of others and show that I did understand the changes that needed to be made in myself as a leader.
There are 11 principles and fourteen traits a Marine Corps leader must obtain. The principles are as follows:
1.Be technically and tactically proficient.
2.Know yourself and seek self- improvement.
3.Know your men and look out for their welfare.
4.Keep your men informed.
5.Set the example.
6. Insure that the task is understood, supervised, and accomplished.
7.Train your men as a team.
8.Make sound and timely decisions.
9.Develop a sense of responsibility among your subordinates.
10.Employ your command in accordance with its capabilities.
11.Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions.
In my self betrayal and the betrayal of the cadets on my behalf, I was able to learn and put into play principles 5, 9, 10, and 11. While these are not the only ones I used they were most helpful during the time period of my not eating.
The leadership traits are:
1.Integrity
2.Knowledge
3.Courage
4.Decisiveness
5.Dependability
6.Initiative
7.Tact
8.Justice
9.Enthusiasm
10.Bearing
11.Endurance
12.Unselfishness
13.Loyalty
14.Judgment
At the Leadership Challenge Camp I failed to use traits 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 12, 13, and 14 while I betrayed myself and my team mates.
Nevertheless, there is almost always a positive not to everything. Though I made these small mistakes, one raising more of a concern, I was able to come to know myself and seek self improvement as well as take away more knowledge. Using this principle and trait I acquired more of each of the other leadership characteristics and make myself a better person and a better leader. My cadets and I all learned more about each other at this camp and are now much closer thanks to the seminar session that caused us all to lose bearing and break down in front of one another. We all experienced both good and bad leadership and learned from everyone’s mistakes and accomplishments. All 50 cadets were given a chip and asked to give it to someone they would follow. There were 10 cadets left with a chip, meaning there were 10 cadets who one or more of the 50 cadets saw strong leadership in. All 10 of these cadets were asked to stand. I was one of them. Three of them were from my platoon. I then realized, sometimes betrayal is one of those mistakes that have to be made before improvement and insight can be drawn to the surface and worked at. Before this camp I betrayed myself by lying to myself about what I saw every time I looked in the mirror. Now, I have awakened to reality and am more willing to fix my flaws.
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